My Feelings on my Weight loss

Well I am still here, still committed, and still working at it. This is a journey, a process and a very hard road to travel. Everyone has some kind of personal struggles and for myself, it has ALWAYS been weight.

I think the first time I noticed it for real was in 3rd grade. Even though its apparent (through pictures) that it began before that. I will never point the finger or place the blame specifically on anyone for "making me fat" because ultimately I am in control of what I put in my mouth. I will however say that maybe I wasn't "guided" as well as I could have been by the adults in my life.

It was painful for me as a child to want to play on the monkey bars but knowing that I wouldn't be able to hold my self up long enough to even try to get across, or to play jump rope and get out of breath after about 5 minutes.

School clothes shopping was particularly painful. I would always look for nice clothes and never find any that I really liked that I could be comfortable in. I wanted to wear what all the other girls wore and never could. I remember having to try on multiple sizes of jeans, embarrassed and ashamed every time I had to tell my mom I needed bigger ones. I remember, vividly, crying in my mothers arms feeling humiliated.

 I remember trying to starve myself, on multiple occasions, it never lasted more than a week and I would be mad at myself for not having the will power or control to abstain from the one thing I really hated to love, food. 

 As I got older it got more out of control. I ate from boredom, from sadness and for celebrations alike. In High school boys never asked me out, I never had a HS sweetheart and went to junior and senior proms with platonic friends. I sank farther into depression. I developed a cutting problem that I successfully hid from everyone in my life. I typically got involved with the wrong kind of guys, the ones that were only talking to me because they wanted one thing and knew they could get it from me, and in that moment I would feel beautiful, and after...even more disgusted with myself.

I  still have a lot of issues with weight and eating and depression that I need to address but it is a journey I am taking day by day. It took me a long time to say enough is enough and I am taking my life back! I can still win this war I have with self image and weight I am young and capable.

I want to be healthy for ME, my Children and my Husband. I deserve to be happy in my skin and enjoy life without restrictions and I plan on making that happen.

I have been on WW for 12 weeks now and 22 pounds lighter and thats something to be DAMN proud of.

Thanks for reading,
~Kassie~