I need to kick myself in the ass.

I don't know why this weight thing is so flipping hard for me. I have been doing this battle for years now and you would think that I would learn by now that I cannot quit. I have to stay consistent and continue to make healthy choices and excercise.
Nothing else works for me.
My logical brain knows this.
The other side of me wishes it could be easy. Take a pill and *poofsies* years of laziness and bad choices are gone.
Yep. Not so much.
I know I can do this so I don't know why I am fighting myself and NOT doing it.
I know my body doesn't work right when its carrying this much extra weight. I swear I think its a a security blanket or something.
I know I am not comfortable. The weight is affecting my marriage (on my side). Zachary loves all of me at all times. I however feel disgusting and it's affecting how I show affection to my husband. I am avoiding the bedroom, I shy away from any type of physical touch or affection. I need to get a grip.
Seriously.
I need help staying accountable.
Ugh.
I feel like shit.