Putting it off

I have really been putting off party planning for Makaia's 3rd Birthday shindig. I feel my throat get tight and tears sting the corner of my eyes, for one my squishy girl is no longer a squish, she is a big smart girl with so much personality and character. I am so proud of her and what a fantastic little person she is becoming.
She loves LaLaLoopsy's so I plan on getting her a LaLaLoopsy big girl bike.

Then another part of me is sad because I had hoped she would have a brother or sister by now. Somedays I have a very hard time staying positive about it, on the othe hand I don't really have a choice but to stay positive. Even when everything in me want's to give up some days and just invest every ounce of my energy into the one miracle I was blessed with.

This shit is tiring. In all aspects.

CD 31