Tired

CD75 day 6 of Provera, is it normal that I don't have any signs of my period even starting yet? No cramps no twinges, no nada. Makes me wonder if this is going to work for me! I know I haven't even finished the RX yet, but its funny curious how dealing with 2IF fucks with your head. You become skeptical of everything and scared to death to even hope something may help- for fear of reality kicking you in the ass. Not to mention how evil it is that our bodies fuck with our heads. You know pms symptoms being similar to pregnancy symptoms. *sigh*

I guess to get KU you need to do the deed. For me it's just not happening. I don't feel attractive. I don't feel like having sex. I want to lose some of this weight I am packing around. I need to feel better. I am tired of being in pain every day, I am tired of creaking and cracking. I am tired of my joints,back and neck pain making someday unbearable to even walk to and from work. I do it because I don't have the option to quit. I want it so badly. There are just the days it seems impossible to accomplish. I wonder if I will ever know what it feels like to be at a "normal weight". I guess the worst thing I can do is quit again. Like I always do.
I am getting tired of being tired, sick of being hopeful and fed up with myself and 2IF.

I know ::eyeroll::
I need to find some new material.