Scared

Tick Tock- 3 yrs is fast approaching and everyday my heart gets a little heavier on a whole. Some days are better than others, some days I can trick myself into thinking I will be ok with only having my Makaia, but deep down I know that if I never have another biological child, there will be a little peice of my heart that will remain broken and empty for the second child I have wanted everyday for the last (almost 3 years). It's such a heart shattering feeling.
I hope charting and really being proactive help, instead of just going through the motions. I don't want to give up, but I honestly don't know how much longer I can keep breaking my own heart.